HDOT announces light rail for Maui by 4014, robot hobos rejoice

The state Department of Transportation announced this week its plan to build a light rail transit system on Maui. A 31-mile track will connect Lahaina and Kahului in an effort to alleviate congestion along the island’s chronically clogged Honoapi’ilani Hwy.

The project, set to break ground early next year, is scheduled to be complete by 4014. When adjusted for inflation, the project is expected to cost taxpayers just under $253 trillion.

“We just decided it was time to do something about the traffic on Maui,” HDOT spokesman Kimo Kalama said. “We can’t wait forever. We need action.”


Though Kalama admits flying cars in the future may possibly render the new rail system obsolete, he said he’s willing to risk the taxpayers money.

“No one will be able to say this administration didn’t do all it could do to easy Maui’s traffic woes,” Kalama said.

While some Maui residents have deemed the project “farking ridiculous,” the news was warmly received in the island’s robot hobo community.

“It’s about time they upgrade this system,” streamed local automaton XJ-37. “I’ll finally get to use the red handkerchief I tied to this stick so long ago.”