Visitor exchanges soul for timeshare

Herbert Weisbaum picked up more than a sunburn on his recent vacation in Maui. The Houston, Texas sanitation worker purchased a week at West Maui’s newest luxury fractional ownership development Kaanapali Cove. The price? One soul.

“It seemed like a good deal at the time,” said Weisbaum, who admitted he only attended the 90-minute presentation to claim a free box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts and a $100 gift card for Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. in Lahaina. “I thought, ‘Score! I’m downing shrimp tonight!’ Who would have guessed I’d end up damning myself to eternal hell fire?”

Weisbaum added that the salesman, who he described as “slightly-horned and smelling of sulfur,” only asserted mild pressure and assured him that it was the deal of a lifetime.

“The guy was a perfect gentleman. Nothing seemed odd except maybe the cloven hooves and pitchfork, but hey, we can’t all be Brad Pitt.”

The premium week at the beachfront unit spans the Christmas holiday, making it Kaanapali Cove’s most coveted ownership slot. When asked if he’ll celebrate the holidays in Hawaii this year, Weisbaum said he has yet to decide.

“My girlfriend wants to go to Branson. We’ll probably try to trade it for a week there.”

Despite his future of an eternity enduring unimaginable suffering, Weisbaum said he’s excited about his purchase.

“I can’t wait to tell Earl back at the office that I own in Maui. That guy’s a real jerk!”